


Now They Are Married - [fic]

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: British Culture, Deliberate Badfic, M/M, Marriage, Nonnies Made Me Do It, Sex Before Marriage, Sex During Marriage, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 01:09:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2329736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is it like when a british man does romantic sodomy in Britain with a green Alien made of bones? the answer to that question and some other questions is in this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now They Are Married - [fic]

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Now They Are Married](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314163) by Anonymous. 



> a.n. Suzanne is called melanie in this fic and she is a shark not a crocodile because it is in britain because jake is British.
> 
> Thanks to my britpicker but do not worry if you are not british there is a glossary at the end

Your name is Jake english and a bony spaceship gentlemister (a.n. british for alien) has put his clutchers (a.n. british for hands) in your chopped pantaloons (a.n. british for shorts). Your weeniediddler (a.n. british for penis) is hard but softer than cralibon’s because calirobn’s spaceship gentlemister (a.n. british for alien) weeniediddler (a.n. british for penis) is a bone (a.n. not british for anything it is just a bone). 

“Gadzooks (a.n. british for wtf) coliborn that is a right boner and no scrimduddly (a.n. british for mistake)” you laugh jokingly as colibran the spaceship gentlemister (a.n. british for alien) wields his mighty inside-body rod (a.n. british for bone) proudly in his clutcher (a.n. british for hand) like when good queen Elizabeth gets ready to smash a slurp container (a.n. british for wine bottle) on a new ocean chuggeroony (a.n. british for boat). 

“Oh gosh” sweats caliboner but he is pondering about willy-wigglers (a.n. british for porn) to make sure he is ready to flib-a-doodle-doo (a.n. british for having sex) so he is ready now

“Cripes (a.n. british for motherfucker) gadzooks (a.n. british for wtf) and holy mackerels (a.n. british for being horny) my bony lad i will instruct you in the fine art of committing jiggery sliggery (a.n. british for having sex) like an Englishman” you exultate sternly as your largely-sized weeniediddler (a.n. british for penis) stands up to attention like a sentry of queen Elizabeths Guard outside the buckingham crown house (a.n. british for palace). “Bend over and i will bung it in (a.n. british for penetrate anally)”

“Rightio” husks caliban britishly. he has been learning about british to enrich your Passion and now he is fluent

“Once more unto the breach” you postulate suavely as you cram your weeniediddler (a.n. british for penis) into colibans breach. cinnabon chuckles at your skilful jape (a.n. british for joke) while you todger-roger happily together (a.n. british for having sex) and petals rain down like a dose of wettersley-on-high (a.n. british for rain)

Meanwhile “Watashi love you my sugoi jake-chan” dirk howls sighingly at you shaking the bars of the naughty den (a.n. british for jail) where he is for ever now. But no one listens because you are doing the old one-two-hoop-ladoo (a.n. british for having sex) with croliban and in your curly wurlies (a.n. british for ears) only the sound of Passion can be heard. 

“Aieeeee~~~” dirk ostracises liltingly . his breath smells like lickety meat flats (a.n. british for hamburgers) because he is american but you dont know what hamburgers are

“Shut up meatman (a.n. alien for human)” thrusts caloburn vigourosly. 

“arigato for teaching me how much love hurts” moans dirk as Melanie the shark who is dirks only chummington (a.n. british for friend) puts her chompity chomps (a.n. british for teeth) wantonly into his texan flesh. “Ne jake-chan you will always be in my kokoro with rainbow Dash who’s colourful horse body brings a Dash of colour in to my lonely days ^_~”

But no one is listening to the lithe american criminal

“LAND AHOY” you screech erotically five orgasms hurtling through your body crashing into each other and causing sexual pleasure unlike any ever seen before upon britains pleasant pastures green 

“Was that good for you” murmurs callibon submissively one green spaceship gentlemister (a.n. british for alien) clutcher (a.n. british for hand) flopping around on his smooth face which is made of bone and is a skull

“Yes cheers” you claim smilingly “how about you chap (a.n. british for lover)”

“Affirmative” calibrian simpers love shining in his bloody red crinkleton-stanleys (a.n. british for eyeballs)

Next “I now verbalise you chap and chapette” Lil Cal discloses heartily his portly soft head smiling from the sky like the good queen Elizabeth on a lick box (a.n. british for stamp) 

Everyone screams and plays chicken slappity (a.n. british for clapping) even dirk who is being eaten by Melanie but his clutchers (a.n. british for hands) are sticking out her shark mouth so he can do it. jane is doing pokey jiggity (a.n. british for lesbian sex) with roxy on the altar it is Marriage.

**Author's Note:**

>  **GLOSSARY**  
>  a dose of wettersley-on-high = rain  
> bone = not british just a bone  
> bung it in = penetrate anally  
> chap = lover  
> chompity chomps = teeth  
> chopped pantaloons = shorts  
> chummington = friend  
> clutcher = hand  
> crinkleton-stanleys = eyeballs  
> cripes = motherfucker  
> crown house = palace  
> curly wurlies = ears  
> flip-a-doodle-dandy = having sex  
> gadzooks = wtf  
> holy mackerels = being horny  
> inside-body rod = bone  
> jape = joke  
> lick box = stamp  
> lickety meat flats = hamburgers [n.b. hamburgers are not british]  
> naughty den = jail  
> ocean chuggeroony = boat  
> play chicken slappity = clap  
> pokey jiggity = lesbian sex  
> scrimduddly = mistake  
> slurp container = wine bottle  
> spaceship gentlemister = alien  
> the old one-two-hoop-ladoo = having sex  
> todger-roger = having sex  
> weeniediddler = penis  
> willy-wigglers = pornographic material


End file.
